-Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
-Sex is like air, it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
-Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
-If vegetable oil is made of vegetables, what is baby oil made of?
-No guts, no glory, no brain, same story.
-Cocaine is God's way of telling you that you make too much money.
-If
quitters never win, and winners never cheat, then who is the fool
who said "Quit while you're ahead"?
-If you don't die from it -- it is healthy.
-If everything is going well, you don't know what the hell is Going on.
-One good turn gets most of the blankets.
-It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
-There
are three kinds of people -- those who can count and those who
can't.
-It
is not what a teenager knows that bothers his parents, it is how
he found out.
-My homework is like a juicy steak -- rarely done.
-There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead.
-Life is sexually transmitted.
-Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
-An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
-If at first you don't succeed -- give up! No use being a damn fool.
-Falling in love is awfully simple. Falling out of love is simply awful.
-No job is so simple that is can't be done wrong.
-You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever.
-Only
adults have difficulty with childproof bottles.